do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
