Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
