You're completely useless in the revolution.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
