It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
