His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
