so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
