I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
