We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
