you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
