im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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