take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
