Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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