I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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