This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
