it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I could fuck to npr.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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