once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
