I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
