I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
