I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
