We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
