then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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