so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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