Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
