It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm too high and old for this...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
