1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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