can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
