Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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