You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
