Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
