I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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