Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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