Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
