just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
