I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
