it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
