I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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