She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize