you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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