I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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