we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
