You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
