dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
