My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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