all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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