Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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