It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize