im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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