You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think my moral compass just broke
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
