i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She told me I should be a condom model.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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