first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
