uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
