dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
