My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize