wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
