pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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