Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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