dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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