I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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