I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
