Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
