the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
