her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
