the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
