I love black thongs
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
