You're my little dorito
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
