My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
