shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
