oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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