shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
