evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
