the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
