That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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