All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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