They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
