I'm jealous of your bromance
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
