He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
