Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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