Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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