I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
