He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
