Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
