Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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