So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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