Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
