I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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