You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
