I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
