He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
