I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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