ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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