I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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