when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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