Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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