It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
