then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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