dude i'm inner monologue high
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
