Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We're too hungover to prance.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
