why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
